As they say, the more things change the more they stay the same. For years I made the trip to Estes Park to see my boys. It was agony most of the time. There were all sorts of convoluted ways of getting the job done. Having dinner at my ex-house. Trying to take them to a restaurant (like trying to dynamite them off the sofa!). Even trying to share custody of my ex-house - boy was THAT a bad idea! Then at some point it was decided I should rent a cabin so I could spend more time there. This can be done very inexpensively in the off season in Estes Park, so I did. This worked well. Not exactly like I thought it would, but nothing is ever like you think it will be. The boys didn't come by after school for cookies and video games or spend the night or anything crazy like that. It was still me hauling massive amounts of groceries up there and preparing meals for them to eat and take with for later and them leaving and me feeling less guilty. After moving to a nicer rental cabin that we improved to a level of cuteness that I hated to leave behind, it was suggested we purchase our own place. This was terrifying as I had spent fifteen years in this town that weren't very happy, however, is buying real estate a bad idea? I went along with it and it was fun. Finding a cute place and fixing it up was about the only thing my then husband and I ever built together. It worked out great! It was picture perfect inside and out, a dollhouse. The boys came over two nights a week and I made massive amounts of food and they took home (to their "real" home) stacks of gladware leftovers and I was even less guilty than before. They were older now, and so was I. They finally spent Thanksgiving and Christmas with me. Three years in a row! These were almost normal and the best holidays in my memory. But then things changed. Most of you know what changed , but what else has changed is these boys have grown up. The oldest one is gone from May to November and the younger one has a full time Summer job and will go to school in the fall and the need to schlep massive amounts of groceries to the mountains every week no longer exists. All my years of complaining and dreading has finally come to an end and I can stop doing what I've been doing for ten years. Now , of course I'm sad about this. The other thing making absolutely sure this happens is the cabin has been sold. This breaks my heart. It was taken from me before I was ready and for that I'll never forgive him. I tried to buy it. I wanted a family cabin. It was not to be had. Probably better to cut loose and go forward. But damn it was cute! It was mine, mine, mine. Somehow it became his, his, his and I want vengeance! I then remember that the best vengeance is living well and I look at my three beautiful "children" who although they are grown, will always be mine and something that can never be tainted or corrupted, like the cabin was, by someone who is just simply stupid. I know I got the best end of this deal.
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