I'm still writing about my divorce. I keep saying I will stop it. As I was looking for creative inspiration a moment ago I saw the Halloween candy bought for the trick or treaters and thought of how this year I'll be answering the door by myself. BASTARD!! Please hang in there with me reader(s). I will get through this or really try to have a book club tie in. It's been ten months and if only all the Anniversary's would pass and his damn weekly emails. Now those are going to stop. I'm putting a stop to those. What's that all about? And coffee dates? Am I whoring myself out for thirty minutes at Starbucks so he can see that I'm doing sort of okay and he doesn't have to feel guilty? From next week on he will hear from me when I need new tires and my car serviced as it is stated in our agreement for the next three years, (pretty good deal I think!). Book Club tie in, thank goodness for the extra week this month! As I've said and should probably keep to myself, I haven't been able to focus and read the way I used to the last ten months, and I need this week to finish the book which I am liking. I find myself staring off into space rather than reading like I used to. Members are picking great books too. I've really enjoyed the first half of them and it is with shame and remorse that I'm not getting them finished. See, I can say this here as I don't think many of you read this - this can be a test case scenario. I always say I'll go back and finish them and I still want to. I even, like most of you, had a list of my own reading I used to get done in between meetings. Oh how I wish I could get back to that time. BASTARD!! See it keeps coming back. Almost all negative things happening to me or that exist in my life I can relate back to Lying Cheating Bastard. It's just a fact, not me being a bitch. But we move on....I do consider myself so fortunate. I'm not living in some basement apartment. I was able to pay my Vet bills and all other bills for that matter, and still live the way I was used to. Some of that may change soon as our arrangement changes the first of the year. BASTARD!! But I have my home which I do love, and my book club with all it's members that I do love, whether they think I'm a nut case or not. They seem to put up with me and I do try to maintain things with the appearance that I'm not overwhelmed with a divorce (really it's just a legal separation that he wants to keep that way forever - hey! what's with that?!) and keep an illusion alive that I'm getting along just fine. I only need a book club to keep me going, well really it does make all the difference in the world. Now if I would read that book and go to the meeting and hold my head high THAT would make a difference and be a step in living right. BASTARD!!
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